She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
