I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
