i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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