I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize