Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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