there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
