why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
