My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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