I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
