oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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