I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
