Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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