ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
