Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
