um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
