I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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