need another drink. this is the easiest way
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
