we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
