Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
