cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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