I swear she didn't look like that last week.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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