2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have tasted many bathrooms
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
