Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
