Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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