I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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