i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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