how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
