omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
