I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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