Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
