I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We are two peas in an std pod
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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