You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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