I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
