I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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