It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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