FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
