just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
