census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
where are you?
Hypothermia
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
