I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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