I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
