Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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