don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
