It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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