I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
