Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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