The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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