I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
