I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
