im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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