I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
