I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize