Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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