I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
