Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
