There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
