So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
please don't ironically join a cult
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