I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
