He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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