I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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