I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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