I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
