The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
