she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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