I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
