If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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