Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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