you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
