i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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