Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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