My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
