I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
