Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
