Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
