the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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