the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
