honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
