Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
