Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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