fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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