are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
