Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
