Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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