Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Little spoons don't ask big questions
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
