eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
