I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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