hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Please don't give away my fajitas
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
