did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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