Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
