Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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