Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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