when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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