Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This baby is an asshole
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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