you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
